Right now I'm in the process of revising the sequel to A Mage's Power, Looming Shadow. I've been stuck in chapter 8 for a while now because I'm doing more rewriting than revising. I finished the first draft years ago and I have revised it several times since then; I added 1/3 onto its length to improve the plot and better explain important events. Now I'm going through it line by line and I've found heaps of stuff to expand on, detail, and otherwise, improve.
Victoria Grefer, over on Creating Writing with the Crimson League,, likes to quote Stephen King and his 'two month rule'. It states that a writer should stay away from a WIP for two months before looking over it for revision so they look at the story with a fresh mind. I believe this to be true. There is no other explanation for why I missed so much in my previous drafts; I usually wait two days.
The second chapter, for instance, looked like a glorified outline. I couldn't believe it when I read it last month because I had read so many times before. I went to work adding sensory detail to this scene, and adding this other scene wholesale so this new town will be consistent in culture and technology with another town in the first book. I discovered new potential for character relationships that worked fantastically as foreshadowing for later events. I wanted to smack myself for missing something that, in retrospect, was obvious.
I feel as if I am rewriting the book instead of revising it which will put me at an earlier stage in the writing process which means more revision to come which means it will take longer to publish which is frustrating. Hopefully the rest of the story won't require the same level of revision but if that's what that's what it takes then that's what I'll do. Making the story the best it can be is the point of this step in the writing process.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Answering Review Request: Immortality Blues
Roy Faith asked me to read his story "Immortality Blues". It follows the life story of a nameless protagonist from 1881 to 1981. I will evaluate the story according to plot, characters, prose, and polish, and at the end assign a grade.
PLOT
There is no plot. Instead of a novel, this is closer to a fictional autobiography because it doesn't tell a story so much as record what happens to the guy. The nameless protagonist is in some place, stuff happens to him and finally tragedy forces him to leave that place and wander about until he goes to another place where the cycle repeats. There is no antagonist so the protagonist has nothing to work against and the protagonist has no motive except at one point and only briefly so he doesn't make anything happen himself. This makes the second to last arc all the more peculiar; he joins the military. Why he does I can't say other than 'death seeker' or Mr. Faith wants to illustrate how military life is awful. This is not an epic; it's too vague and mundane and listless.
Only one character carries over between places and other than her the separate story arcs may as well be separate stories entirely. There is no running plot thread or build up or resolution. It makes for dull reading. There are good parts, some witty parts, and some funny parts but they are few and far between.
There is no ending which is always a mark against any story. The last arc starts up just like the ones before it and then the story ends. I can't stand that. It reeks of laziness and/or pretentiousness.
The second one is more likely because of a scene in the third arc where a character ridicules stories with plot structure and characters who have clear motives by calling them 'lifeless and unreal'. The character burns such a story after reading it. I recognize this is a character's opinion and not necessarily Mr.Faith's but the contrast with this story is too great and it sounds too defensive to be taken as anything but an Author Tract.
"She grew frustrated and angry at the blandness of it!" Is this character's reaction to the 'prim and proper' story and it could also be my reaction to Immortality Blues.
Overall, it reminds me of the modernist literature I had to read in college. I hated every word of that stuff.
CHARACTERS
The only permanent character is the protagonist. He has no name and there is no in-story reason for this. The narration doesn't use it and no one else does either. It breaks my Willing Suspension of Disbelief that a person could live for one hundred years without using or hearing his own name once. If there was a reason I could understand but there is no reason. I assume Mr.Faith's intention is to evoke a Everyman sense but any chance of this protagonist being an everyman goes out the window after the third arc and especially when he takes notice of his immortality.
As for personality, he bounces between extreme work ethic and laziness; his goals and priorities shift so often and are so insubstantial I feel the plot dictates them to suit itself rather than any intrinsic character trait. He has a personality but the vagueness of the plot and the prose make him sound like an empty vessel for people to interact with. He is referred to by whatever he means to the person he's talking to; the suitor, the rival, the prisoner, etc. Eventually the prose becomes so broken up by radio news and so reduced to 'feelings' instead of narration that his personality disappears entirely.
Another problem is so big it deserves its own paragraph. The protagonist is implied to be immortal. At numerous points he and others note that he doesn't age beyond twenty-something. This is why he escapes punishment for a crime he was framed for (he evaded the law for so long he looked too young to be the suspect) and why his wife freaked out at him for 'stealing her youth'. This is important and yet it is never addressed. It is especially galling for me because I was looking for the fantasy element. Fantasy is one of my preferred genres when answering a review request and so I was disappointed that the character's immortality was never addressed.
Other characters are transient and have the same problems. They have one or two traits and otherwise exist to give a speech about gender equality or economics or pyschology or what have you. Most of all, Bea feels like a plot device. She is initially important, then fades in the next arc, and suddenly reappears and takes over the plot some hundred pages later, then Mr.Faith Drops A Bridge On Her so he can move into something else and then she comes back again another hundred or so pages later to end yet another arc. I feel her character exists only to make the protagonist suffer.
The bright spot in the character's section is the Old Blind Man. In a world of dispassionate and/or two dimensional people, this guy has life in him! I enjoyed his monologues and his eccentricities such as shooting the birds that land on his roof.
PROSE
This author has a style that is great for atmosphere. It creates a sense of personality and place in the opening pages and the first arc. The meandering prose and the disjointed plot threads are appropriate and even effective for a 'small town slice of life' thing but the problem is the plot. As mentioned above, nothing happens. The protagonist has nothing to do with any of the events.
As the story continues it gets more vague and skipped over and, in a word, 'strange'. Either Mr.Faith didn't bother revising the end parts or they're a Painting The Fourth Wall metaphor for dementia.
POLISH
There are no spelling/grammar errors nor is there any word cruft. I am grateful for that. Word cruft would have made this story longer and more dreadful. In the first arc when the narration is coherent, it is my favorite part.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Immortality Blues" a D-
Click here for the previous review request: Exile's Violin
PLOT
There is no plot. Instead of a novel, this is closer to a fictional autobiography because it doesn't tell a story so much as record what happens to the guy. The nameless protagonist is in some place, stuff happens to him and finally tragedy forces him to leave that place and wander about until he goes to another place where the cycle repeats. There is no antagonist so the protagonist has nothing to work against and the protagonist has no motive except at one point and only briefly so he doesn't make anything happen himself. This makes the second to last arc all the more peculiar; he joins the military. Why he does I can't say other than 'death seeker' or Mr. Faith wants to illustrate how military life is awful. This is not an epic; it's too vague and mundane and listless.
Only one character carries over between places and other than her the separate story arcs may as well be separate stories entirely. There is no running plot thread or build up or resolution. It makes for dull reading. There are good parts, some witty parts, and some funny parts but they are few and far between.
There is no ending which is always a mark against any story. The last arc starts up just like the ones before it and then the story ends. I can't stand that. It reeks of laziness and/or pretentiousness.
The second one is more likely because of a scene in the third arc where a character ridicules stories with plot structure and characters who have clear motives by calling them 'lifeless and unreal'. The character burns such a story after reading it. I recognize this is a character's opinion and not necessarily Mr.Faith's but the contrast with this story is too great and it sounds too defensive to be taken as anything but an Author Tract.
"She grew frustrated and angry at the blandness of it!" Is this character's reaction to the 'prim and proper' story and it could also be my reaction to Immortality Blues.
Overall, it reminds me of the modernist literature I had to read in college. I hated every word of that stuff.
CHARACTERS
The only permanent character is the protagonist. He has no name and there is no in-story reason for this. The narration doesn't use it and no one else does either. It breaks my Willing Suspension of Disbelief that a person could live for one hundred years without using or hearing his own name once. If there was a reason I could understand but there is no reason. I assume Mr.Faith's intention is to evoke a Everyman sense but any chance of this protagonist being an everyman goes out the window after the third arc and especially when he takes notice of his immortality.
As for personality, he bounces between extreme work ethic and laziness; his goals and priorities shift so often and are so insubstantial I feel the plot dictates them to suit itself rather than any intrinsic character trait. He has a personality but the vagueness of the plot and the prose make him sound like an empty vessel for people to interact with. He is referred to by whatever he means to the person he's talking to; the suitor, the rival, the prisoner, etc. Eventually the prose becomes so broken up by radio news and so reduced to 'feelings' instead of narration that his personality disappears entirely.
Another problem is so big it deserves its own paragraph. The protagonist is implied to be immortal. At numerous points he and others note that he doesn't age beyond twenty-something. This is why he escapes punishment for a crime he was framed for (he evaded the law for so long he looked too young to be the suspect) and why his wife freaked out at him for 'stealing her youth'. This is important and yet it is never addressed. It is especially galling for me because I was looking for the fantasy element. Fantasy is one of my preferred genres when answering a review request and so I was disappointed that the character's immortality was never addressed.
Other characters are transient and have the same problems. They have one or two traits and otherwise exist to give a speech about gender equality or economics or pyschology or what have you. Most of all, Bea feels like a plot device. She is initially important, then fades in the next arc, and suddenly reappears and takes over the plot some hundred pages later, then Mr.Faith Drops A Bridge On Her so he can move into something else and then she comes back again another hundred or so pages later to end yet another arc. I feel her character exists only to make the protagonist suffer.
The bright spot in the character's section is the Old Blind Man. In a world of dispassionate and/or two dimensional people, this guy has life in him! I enjoyed his monologues and his eccentricities such as shooting the birds that land on his roof.
PROSE
This author has a style that is great for atmosphere. It creates a sense of personality and place in the opening pages and the first arc. The meandering prose and the disjointed plot threads are appropriate and even effective for a 'small town slice of life' thing but the problem is the plot. As mentioned above, nothing happens. The protagonist has nothing to do with any of the events.
As the story continues it gets more vague and skipped over and, in a word, 'strange'. Either Mr.Faith didn't bother revising the end parts or they're a Painting The Fourth Wall metaphor for dementia.
POLISH
There are no spelling/grammar errors nor is there any word cruft. I am grateful for that. Word cruft would have made this story longer and more dreadful. In the first arc when the narration is coherent, it is my favorite part.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Immortality Blues" a D-
Click here for the previous review request: Exile's Violin
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
The Hero of Another Story
Some weeks ago I wrote a post about Avoiding Tunnel Vision when writing a novel. (You can read it here). This post is related to that and takes its name from TvTropes. The core of the trope is as follows (taken from the trope's page itself as seen here).
"The writers give the impression that this character is having just as many adventures as the hero, only offscreen. In other words, they're the Hero of Another Story."
The test of this trope is asking if this person could be The Protagonist instead of the one you have chosen and saying 'yes'.
This trope is a useful tool in avoiding Tunnel Vision because it helps break the idea that the hero is the only hero. There are other heroes and they are having other adventures in other places. Simply alluding to these places and adventures will develop the world of the main characters. Adding one of them will force you to think about what is happening outside the main characters' sight and you will know more about the plot as a whole. All of this will enhance the main narrative because you have created the Full Picture.
From a Doylist POV, The Hero of Another Story is also great for the helping the reader maintain their Willing Suspension of Disbelief.
1. You don't have to force your reader to accept that the Rag Tag Bunch of Misfits can defeat the Evil Empire all by themselves because there are OTHER heroes working towards the cause.
2. The team can be modified as needed to suit a story arc by slipping in one member or another. A Six Ranger can drop in to help out on this particular mission and then go do something else that's necessary to advance the cause (and by this, advance the plot). By contrast, one or more members of the group can go help that person while the remaining heroes focus on the events that the reader will see. If this is done well then it will give the story a broader scope and a wider world, but if you're not careful it will become Put On A Bus.
3. They can arrive to save the main heroes and it won't (if handled appropriately) appear like a deus ex machina because the reader knows that they are out there and that they are just as competent as the heroes themselves.
My own experience with this trope is why I recommend it so highly.
Part of the pre-writing for A Mage's Power involved filling the guild Eric would join. The Dragon's Lair is a mercenary guild so I thought it would be odd if there weren't other mercenaries going on missions and making money so I created a list; their names and abilities and personalities. This provided me with a pool of characters to draw from and allowed me to avoid the idea that no one else was doing anything. They gave the preception that there are mercenaries in this organization that have lives outside of their relation to Eric and roles in the plot that do not connect directly to Eric. Furthermore they gave the organization character and life. Instead of a plot device for building Eric's confidence and magical power, it is its own place and Eric happens to be part of it. I wish I could have done more with them which leads to my final point: Fanfic Fuel.
I got my start in writing fiction from writing fan fiction. I spotted a potential in the canon of the story I watched and used that to develop my own story within that canon. It was a lot of fun. My point is that readers love fanfic fuel. After finishing a story, my first thought is to look up fanfics to prolong my enjoyment of the story and see what others have come up with. By including a Hero Of Another Story you provide them with a wealth of possible adventures just waiting to be written.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Answering Review Request: Exile's Violin
R.S. Hunter asked me to review his story "Exile's Violin." It's a steampunk detective novel with a smidgen of fantasy. It stars Jacquie, a girl who losses everything when thieves blow up her home. The backbone of the story is her quest to retrieve two items that were stolen from her at that time and take revenge on those that did it. The following review will evaluate the characters, plot, polish, and finally assign a grade.
PLOT
There are three genres in this story: detective, military, and heroic fantasy and all in a steampunk setting. It works better than you might think.
The plot begins as a detective novel; Jacquie is hired by a big wig to investigate a warmonger conspiracy. Then the plot transitions to a military story when the conspiracy is revealed and battles take place. Finally it shifts to heroic fantasy at the climax; a warrior armed with mystic weapons fights a power mad villain with magic. When I stopped to think about it, I was amazed by how well Mr.Hunter makes this work.
Jacquie has an internal monologue lampshading how out of place she, as a detective, is on a military vessel, and the second transition is adequately developed before hand so it doesn't feel too jarring. Indeed, Jacquie is more shocked by the Big Bad killing people with his magic powers than by the fact that he has magic powers at all.
The sequence of events from scene to scene is well done; no shocking swerves and the reasons for doing X or Y make sense. The characters are driving the plot for 99 percent of the story and that makes for an engaging adventure. However, the problem lies in that last 1 percent.
It may be due to my troper experience but the big plot twists were easy to see coming. I count four of them and the last one is the only one that surprised me and only because of the setting. This is due to the nature of the setup; I'm surprised Jacquie herself didn't see them coming. At points such as this I could feel Mr.Hunter hands on her shoulders; preventing her from taking action. This also happens with the Big Bad, who would have gotten along famously with one from a James Bond film.
1. Why Don't You Just Shoot Her?
-The Big Bad had ample opportunity to kill the heroes throughout the novel but doesn't act on it. Even at the end he doesn't seriously try to kill them. He uses a magical, undodgeable, one-hit kill on the soldiers but uses something else to attack Jacquie. It lead me to consider Alternate Character Interpretation to explain it because otherwise the plot would collapse like a house without support beams.
2. You Can't Thwart Stage One
- Jacquie has two opportunities to shoot the Big Bad before the final stage. The first time she lets him give a motive rant despite saying she doesn't care why he's doing it. This allows him to get away. The second time she has Clay and six soldiers with her and she doesn't shoot. She takes a long time to aim which is enough for the Big Bad to get the upper hand again. This time it is so ridiculous it would be funny if it were not painful. One man with an auto-rifle makes eight fully armed people (six of them soldiers) surrender. On both of these occassions the Big Bad could have killed Jacquie with ease but doesn't and provides no reason why he doesn't.
Neither of those problems affect the conclusion of the climax. That was foreshadowed well in advance and drawn attention to in the calm before the climax. Not everything is tied up pretty with a bow but the main conflict and Jacquie's character arc are resolved. It's a great place to push from because the baggage of this book is shed and leaves great potential for future adventures.
CHARACTERS
Whatever problems the plot has in its foundations, they are easy to overlook thanks to the characters. My favorite part of this book is not the conspiracy plot or anything involving the Big Bad but the snark to snark combat between Jacquie and her sidekick, Clay. The contrast between their lives (working class detective and upper class socialite) and their mutual wit are much more fun to read than their investigations.
Jacquie is a deconstruction of badass and this is one of the reasons why I like her. She's is a tough woman; she can win gun fights when outnumbered and escape a city that's quarantined by a military looking for her specifically, but she's not unstoppable or invincible. She gets tired like real people and gets splinters and scrapes like real people that need to be attended to. Secondly, when the story shifts from investigating to airship battles, she fades into the background and becomes a view point character. She is not a soldier or a sailor so she's useless in such a situation and acknowledges it.
Secondly, she is what I'd call a positive use of Static Character; there is a long time skip between the robbery and the main narrative because the former is a prologue. In this period she goes from traumatized schoolgirl to veteran detective. Seeing these two mesh in the main story is the appeal of her character arc.
By contrast, Clay has a significant amount of character development. He goes from a bored rich guy to a devoted knight in shining armor; taking his hobby seriously, caring about Jacquie personally instead of as a source of excitement, and becoming her conscience. He regularly snarks at her anti-hero actions and calls her out on the more extreme ones. Watching him grow is like watching a gaudy foam sword transform into a elegant steel one.
POLISH
I don't see any word cruft which is always a plus. The sentences are crisp and precise and clear. There may have been one or two spelling errors but overall the book has a polished feel to it.
GRADE
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Exile's Violin" an A-
Click here for the next review request: Immortality Blues
Click here for the previous review request: Exile Autumn's Peril
PLOT
There are three genres in this story: detective, military, and heroic fantasy and all in a steampunk setting. It works better than you might think.
The plot begins as a detective novel; Jacquie is hired by a big wig to investigate a warmonger conspiracy. Then the plot transitions to a military story when the conspiracy is revealed and battles take place. Finally it shifts to heroic fantasy at the climax; a warrior armed with mystic weapons fights a power mad villain with magic. When I stopped to think about it, I was amazed by how well Mr.Hunter makes this work.
Jacquie has an internal monologue lampshading how out of place she, as a detective, is on a military vessel, and the second transition is adequately developed before hand so it doesn't feel too jarring. Indeed, Jacquie is more shocked by the Big Bad killing people with his magic powers than by the fact that he has magic powers at all.
The sequence of events from scene to scene is well done; no shocking swerves and the reasons for doing X or Y make sense. The characters are driving the plot for 99 percent of the story and that makes for an engaging adventure. However, the problem lies in that last 1 percent.
It may be due to my troper experience but the big plot twists were easy to see coming. I count four of them and the last one is the only one that surprised me and only because of the setting. This is due to the nature of the setup; I'm surprised Jacquie herself didn't see them coming. At points such as this I could feel Mr.Hunter hands on her shoulders; preventing her from taking action. This also happens with the Big Bad, who would have gotten along famously with one from a James Bond film.
1. Why Don't You Just Shoot Her?
-The Big Bad had ample opportunity to kill the heroes throughout the novel but doesn't act on it. Even at the end he doesn't seriously try to kill them. He uses a magical, undodgeable, one-hit kill on the soldiers but uses something else to attack Jacquie. It lead me to consider Alternate Character Interpretation to explain it because otherwise the plot would collapse like a house without support beams.
2. You Can't Thwart Stage One
- Jacquie has two opportunities to shoot the Big Bad before the final stage. The first time she lets him give a motive rant despite saying she doesn't care why he's doing it. This allows him to get away. The second time she has Clay and six soldiers with her and she doesn't shoot. She takes a long time to aim which is enough for the Big Bad to get the upper hand again. This time it is so ridiculous it would be funny if it were not painful. One man with an auto-rifle makes eight fully armed people (six of them soldiers) surrender. On both of these occassions the Big Bad could have killed Jacquie with ease but doesn't and provides no reason why he doesn't.
Neither of those problems affect the conclusion of the climax. That was foreshadowed well in advance and drawn attention to in the calm before the climax. Not everything is tied up pretty with a bow but the main conflict and Jacquie's character arc are resolved. It's a great place to push from because the baggage of this book is shed and leaves great potential for future adventures.
CHARACTERS
Whatever problems the plot has in its foundations, they are easy to overlook thanks to the characters. My favorite part of this book is not the conspiracy plot or anything involving the Big Bad but the snark to snark combat between Jacquie and her sidekick, Clay. The contrast between their lives (working class detective and upper class socialite) and their mutual wit are much more fun to read than their investigations.
Jacquie is a deconstruction of badass and this is one of the reasons why I like her. She's is a tough woman; she can win gun fights when outnumbered and escape a city that's quarantined by a military looking for her specifically, but she's not unstoppable or invincible. She gets tired like real people and gets splinters and scrapes like real people that need to be attended to. Secondly, when the story shifts from investigating to airship battles, she fades into the background and becomes a view point character. She is not a soldier or a sailor so she's useless in such a situation and acknowledges it.
Secondly, she is what I'd call a positive use of Static Character; there is a long time skip between the robbery and the main narrative because the former is a prologue. In this period she goes from traumatized schoolgirl to veteran detective. Seeing these two mesh in the main story is the appeal of her character arc.
By contrast, Clay has a significant amount of character development. He goes from a bored rich guy to a devoted knight in shining armor; taking his hobby seriously, caring about Jacquie personally instead of as a source of excitement, and becoming her conscience. He regularly snarks at her anti-hero actions and calls her out on the more extreme ones. Watching him grow is like watching a gaudy foam sword transform into a elegant steel one.
POLISH
I don't see any word cruft which is always a plus. The sentences are crisp and precise and clear. There may have been one or two spelling errors but overall the book has a polished feel to it.
GRADE
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Exile's Violin" an A-
Click here for the next review request: Immortality Blues
Click here for the previous review request: Exile Autumn's Peril
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
The Importance of an Editor
When I began writing I wanted to be my own editor. Now I am not so naive. A Mage's Power I has received many reviews that said the spelling and/or grammar was horrible. They came to both the amazon listing and this very blog. Even the people that liked the book and left positive reviews still said the book needed substantial editing. For context, I made three passes through the manuscript after I thought I found all the errors from the previous seven or so passes.
Acknowledging defeat I contacted an editing service and was struck a further blow to my editing ego. They said the book needed more than a 'light proofing' and that they had fixed 'thousands' of errors in the first hundred pages. They were not exaggerating; there really were thousands of errors because the same sort of errors were repeated over and over again.
You see I was still trying to deny that I needed an editor. I told myself that it was just a few errors here and there that, over 400 kindle pages, added up, and that all I needed was a different set of eyes. When I looked over the marked up manuscript that came back, I realized that was far from true. I'm happy to say to say it was worth it. Ever since then the reviews that complained of grammar and/or spelling have disappeared.
In case you're interested, that service is Hercules Editing and Consulting and I'm about to use their services again for other things (Table of Contents, advertising, etc) and found a package that included editing. For all you readers out there, this means there will be another free period in the near future.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Creating Names in Fiction
The other day I received a review concerning the naming conventions in A Mage's Power. They thought my name reversals were both punny and distracting which made me think about how often I relied on them. That got me thinking about naming conventions in general which lead to how many entries TvTropes has for them.
I don't like using conventional baby-book style names. For some reason they feel weird so I make up names for characters and places. One of the ways I do this is by taking a word relevant to the thing in question and reversing it. For instance, there is a character called 'Nosiop' that is a poison master. This way I can quickly create a name but I can also see how it can be distracting. Once one realizes that a name is a word backwards it can be hard to avoid seeing both at once. In the future I'll look for other ways to add meaning to names and this is where TvTropes comes in.
On Tvtropes we have an index full of tropes devoted to naming conventions. I'll illustrate a few of them with Noisop.
Meaningful Name: Noisop is a maker of poison.
Ironic Name: If Noisop were a maker of medicine instead of poison.
Names to Run Away From Really Fast: A name resembling 'poison' is suspicous; it could mean he was an assassin or a Poisonous Friend, etc.
Some Call Me Tim: If his true first name was Cyanogenic-Glycoside, he might opt for the simpler 'Noisop'. This could lead to him being Only Known By His Nickname.
Unfortunate Name: If a customer found out his name meant 'poison' then Noisop would have a hard time being a chef.
There are many, many more but I'll stop there. If I do too many I'll look up the ones I don't know and get sucked into the Troper Hive Mind again.
Most of the characters in A Mage's Power have names that carry some form of meaning but there are two exceptions. One is a guy named 'Sam'. He is so minor that I couldn't be bothered to think of a concept meaningful enough to reverse. The second, by contrast, is the protagonist himself, Eric. I have no idea where that name come from or why I settled on it. It's just there.
What about all you other authors out there; what do you think about naming conventions?
I don't like using conventional baby-book style names. For some reason they feel weird so I make up names for characters and places. One of the ways I do this is by taking a word relevant to the thing in question and reversing it. For instance, there is a character called 'Nosiop' that is a poison master. This way I can quickly create a name but I can also see how it can be distracting. Once one realizes that a name is a word backwards it can be hard to avoid seeing both at once. In the future I'll look for other ways to add meaning to names and this is where TvTropes comes in.
On Tvtropes we have an index full of tropes devoted to naming conventions. I'll illustrate a few of them with Noisop.
Meaningful Name: Noisop is a maker of poison.
Ironic Name: If Noisop were a maker of medicine instead of poison.
Names to Run Away From Really Fast: A name resembling 'poison' is suspicous; it could mean he was an assassin or a Poisonous Friend, etc.
Some Call Me Tim: If his true first name was Cyanogenic-Glycoside, he might opt for the simpler 'Noisop'. This could lead to him being Only Known By His Nickname.
Unfortunate Name: If a customer found out his name meant 'poison' then Noisop would have a hard time being a chef.
There are many, many more but I'll stop there. If I do too many I'll look up the ones I don't know and get sucked into the Troper Hive Mind again.
Most of the characters in A Mage's Power have names that carry some form of meaning but there are two exceptions. One is a guy named 'Sam'. He is so minor that I couldn't be bothered to think of a concept meaningful enough to reverse. The second, by contrast, is the protagonist himself, Eric. I have no idea where that name come from or why I settled on it. It's just there.
What about all you other authors out there; what do you think about naming conventions?
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Zap! Word Cruft
"Don't forget, actually, as a matter of fact, what really happened is that there's far too much Word Cruft in this example."
-TvTropes's Editing Tips Worksheet
I can't stand word cruft. I see 'pretty much' and 'actually' and 'quite a bit' and I want to ZAP them. I'll see it in a newspaper and I'll mentally edit it out. I feel compelled to do this; part of the reason came from editing A Mage's Power ten times over but most of the blame goes to Tvtropes. That's why it's quoted at the top of this article.
Sometimes I think my fellow tropers believe that adding more words means adding more power. It is the opposite; the more words a sentence has the less meaningful it is. Which sounds stronger to you?
1. "The hero jumped into the mob's path and shouted, 'STOP!'"
OR
2. "Basically the hero pretty much jumped into the mob's path and actually shouted, 'STOP!'"
I had trouble writing the second one because I couldn't decide where to place the word cruft. That's because they're interchangeable! They do nothing more than make the sentence longer; literary padding. When I read a book for review, word cruft is one of the things I look for.
Sentences are stronger when the reader does not have to climb over superfluous words to arrive at the meaning of a sentence. Adding a 'though' at the end feels like a car hitting a pot hole; it breaks the momentum and brings the action to a screeching halt. The presence or absence of word cruft can mean the difference between an A and an A+. As an author myself, I would rather brag about the latter than the former. (for other red flags, click here.)
The only situation where word cruft is acceptable is when it is used for characterization. If a character says "Basically" at the start of every sentence, that becomes a verbal tic and distinguishes them from other characters. An author can use this to avoid putting 'Character X said' at the end of their sentence or as a hint to a mystery character's secret identity. In all other cases, ZAP!
-TvTropes's Editing Tips Worksheet
I can't stand word cruft. I see 'pretty much' and 'actually' and 'quite a bit' and I want to ZAP them. I'll see it in a newspaper and I'll mentally edit it out. I feel compelled to do this; part of the reason came from editing A Mage's Power ten times over but most of the blame goes to Tvtropes. That's why it's quoted at the top of this article.
Sometimes I think my fellow tropers believe that adding more words means adding more power. It is the opposite; the more words a sentence has the less meaningful it is. Which sounds stronger to you?
1. "The hero jumped into the mob's path and shouted, 'STOP!'"
OR
2. "Basically the hero pretty much jumped into the mob's path and actually shouted, 'STOP!'"
I had trouble writing the second one because I couldn't decide where to place the word cruft. That's because they're interchangeable! They do nothing more than make the sentence longer; literary padding. When I read a book for review, word cruft is one of the things I look for.
Sentences are stronger when the reader does not have to climb over superfluous words to arrive at the meaning of a sentence. Adding a 'though' at the end feels like a car hitting a pot hole; it breaks the momentum and brings the action to a screeching halt. The presence or absence of word cruft can mean the difference between an A and an A+. As an author myself, I would rather brag about the latter than the former. (for other red flags, click here.)
The only situation where word cruft is acceptable is when it is used for characterization. If a character says "Basically" at the start of every sentence, that becomes a verbal tic and distinguishes them from other characters. An author can use this to avoid putting 'Character X said' at the end of their sentence or as a hint to a mystery character's secret identity. In all other cases, ZAP!
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Answering Review Request: Exiled Autumn's Peril (Chronicles of Caleath)
Rosaline Skinner asked me to read Exiled: Autumn's Peril-Book One (The Chronicles of Caleath. It's about a virtual reality champion turned gladiator turned fugitive.
Plot
The story begins with Caleath crash landing on a pre-industrial planet and dodging assassins sent by the villain on his way to a beacon that will teleport him off the planet so he can kill the villain. Around him there are two plots that hedge his movements.
1.) On the galactic scale, Caleath is the unwilling star of a new reality show called Real Time. It's set up by the villain to make money off his suffering. His flight from ranger/wardens forms the plot of this show and they are all magically compelled to kill him to prevent a peaceful resolution.
2.) On a local scale (i.e. everyone else) there is a problem with giant ants. These creatures will make the planet uninhabitable within years and conventional methods have minimal affect on them. This makes Caleath, an alien with different methods, a subject of interest to the Council of Mages.
These three plots (revenge, TV show, and killer ants) work together because Caleath is at the center and his response to the other two is 'leave me alone'.
I could nitpick some aspects of the plot (like how the villain installed his assassins as authority figures in a backwater planet far from home) but my main beef with the plot involves the ending. I like my plots to have resolution. Regardless of whether or not they are part of a series I don't like plots that just end. This book stands on edge of that cliff.
COURTESY SPOILER WARNING
On the one hand, there is resolution in the initial conflict; the assassins. By removing his implant, Caleath has rendered himself legally dead and so the magical compulsion driving the assassins has deactivated. That part of the plot is closed; they still want to kill him but for other reasons. Also, since the beacon can't teleport him off the planet he is stuck in exile which closes the 'escape' conflict of this book. On the other hand, the rangers still want to kill him, the villain is still tormenting Caleath, the giant ants are still ravaging the planet, and the book ends with Caleath in the same position as he started; running and plagued with guilt.
It makes more sense to consider the events from the prospective of someone watching this story in-universe. They see the end of an episode instead of the end of a book. If this is shown in real time, then there is no end at all. As the end of a book, it annoys me.
END SPOILER WARNING
Characters
Caleath is a complicated anti-hero; rude, paranoid, not necessarily interested in helping others but refuses to let anyone come to harm because of him. If not for his circumstances, he could be a straight up hero. Other characters receive less characterization. The wardens, for instance, are introduced in sequence and the best way to tell them apart is their order because there is only one trait that makes them different from the others. Rybolt's subtitle is 'Caleath's best friend' because he has nothing else. Penwryt is a guy I like; the old wise wizard archetype and his affable sense of humor. The contrast between this genuinely friendly wizard and Caleath's distrust of all magic users is another point in the plot's favor; conflict is created despite both sides being unambiguously good people. The only truly bad thing I have to say about the characters here concerns Nasith.
She is introduced as a historian, a capable fighter, and a respected enough figure in her community to be their representative at a Summit meeting. Then she's kidnapped by Caleath and suffers the dreaded Chickification. She cares less about the Summit (which is going to discuss the survival of the world) then about clinging to Caleath the further the plot continues. She relies on him to do the fighting and becomes borderline hysterical over having her fortune told. The fact she was under some sort of spell at the time does not make it rankle any less because it continues the trend and the trend does not stop after the spell was supposedly removed. Stockholm Syndrome sounds too romance-novely for this story and in any case it settles in too quickly and she has a quick opportunity to rejoin the rangers and go to the Summit.
Setting
The most intriguing aspect of this story's setting is the interplay of science and magic. Most stories that have a space age protagonist drop on a pre-industrial world involve a heavy use of Clarke's Third Law. Anything from the protagonist's technologically advanced homeworld will be called 'magic' on the other world but that is not the case here. Caleath's society not only has magic side by side with super tech but it is the same kind of magic as this 'primitive' society. Thus, it can be confusing as to what is is genuine magic and what is technology-that-is-easier-to-call-magic but I find this more interesting than confusing.
Prose
The vast majority of the story is written in Beige Prose, which I appreciate. My biggest pet peeve is word cruft/purple prose. I like the short and concise sentences used by Miss. Skinner.
Rank
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Exiled: Autumn's Peril-Book One (The Chronicles of Caleath) a C.
Click here for the next review request: Exile's Violin.
Click here for the previous review request: Flames of Ether
Plot
The story begins with Caleath crash landing on a pre-industrial planet and dodging assassins sent by the villain on his way to a beacon that will teleport him off the planet so he can kill the villain. Around him there are two plots that hedge his movements.
1.) On the galactic scale, Caleath is the unwilling star of a new reality show called Real Time. It's set up by the villain to make money off his suffering. His flight from ranger/wardens forms the plot of this show and they are all magically compelled to kill him to prevent a peaceful resolution.
2.) On a local scale (i.e. everyone else) there is a problem with giant ants. These creatures will make the planet uninhabitable within years and conventional methods have minimal affect on them. This makes Caleath, an alien with different methods, a subject of interest to the Council of Mages.
These three plots (revenge, TV show, and killer ants) work together because Caleath is at the center and his response to the other two is 'leave me alone'.
I could nitpick some aspects of the plot (like how the villain installed his assassins as authority figures in a backwater planet far from home) but my main beef with the plot involves the ending. I like my plots to have resolution. Regardless of whether or not they are part of a series I don't like plots that just end. This book stands on edge of that cliff.
COURTESY SPOILER WARNING
On the one hand, there is resolution in the initial conflict; the assassins. By removing his implant, Caleath has rendered himself legally dead and so the magical compulsion driving the assassins has deactivated. That part of the plot is closed; they still want to kill him but for other reasons. Also, since the beacon can't teleport him off the planet he is stuck in exile which closes the 'escape' conflict of this book. On the other hand, the rangers still want to kill him, the villain is still tormenting Caleath, the giant ants are still ravaging the planet, and the book ends with Caleath in the same position as he started; running and plagued with guilt.
It makes more sense to consider the events from the prospective of someone watching this story in-universe. They see the end of an episode instead of the end of a book. If this is shown in real time, then there is no end at all. As the end of a book, it annoys me.
END SPOILER WARNING
Characters
Caleath is a complicated anti-hero; rude, paranoid, not necessarily interested in helping others but refuses to let anyone come to harm because of him. If not for his circumstances, he could be a straight up hero. Other characters receive less characterization. The wardens, for instance, are introduced in sequence and the best way to tell them apart is their order because there is only one trait that makes them different from the others. Rybolt's subtitle is 'Caleath's best friend' because he has nothing else. Penwryt is a guy I like; the old wise wizard archetype and his affable sense of humor. The contrast between this genuinely friendly wizard and Caleath's distrust of all magic users is another point in the plot's favor; conflict is created despite both sides being unambiguously good people. The only truly bad thing I have to say about the characters here concerns Nasith.
She is introduced as a historian, a capable fighter, and a respected enough figure in her community to be their representative at a Summit meeting. Then she's kidnapped by Caleath and suffers the dreaded Chickification. She cares less about the Summit (which is going to discuss the survival of the world) then about clinging to Caleath the further the plot continues. She relies on him to do the fighting and becomes borderline hysterical over having her fortune told. The fact she was under some sort of spell at the time does not make it rankle any less because it continues the trend and the trend does not stop after the spell was supposedly removed. Stockholm Syndrome sounds too romance-novely for this story and in any case it settles in too quickly and she has a quick opportunity to rejoin the rangers and go to the Summit.
Setting
The most intriguing aspect of this story's setting is the interplay of science and magic. Most stories that have a space age protagonist drop on a pre-industrial world involve a heavy use of Clarke's Third Law. Anything from the protagonist's technologically advanced homeworld will be called 'magic' on the other world but that is not the case here. Caleath's society not only has magic side by side with super tech but it is the same kind of magic as this 'primitive' society. Thus, it can be confusing as to what is is genuine magic and what is technology-that-is-easier-to-call-magic but I find this more interesting than confusing.
Prose
The vast majority of the story is written in Beige Prose, which I appreciate. My biggest pet peeve is word cruft/purple prose. I like the short and concise sentences used by Miss. Skinner.
Rank
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Exiled: Autumn's Peril-Book One (The Chronicles of Caleath) a C.
Click here for the next review request: Exile's Violin.
Click here for the previous review request: Flames of Ether
Monday, April 1, 2013
Inspirational Monday! Trickster Archetype
The first Monday of every month is Inspirational Monday. Share something that inspires you so the rest can be inspired too.
This month is the Trickster Archetype. It is a universal figure in mythology that serves to explain why certain things are the way they are and/or to teach lessons by its behavior. They range from the Norse Loki to the Greek Hermes to the African Anasazi and the American Indian Coyote. I loved reading about these guys when I was a teenager, so, in honor of April Fool's Day, I decided to talk about tricksters.
Tricksters are the ones that shake things up, teach human new things, and always good for a laugh; at their expense or someone else's. They can be heroes that instigate plots (thereby averting Villains Act Heroes React) villains with the intelligence to drive complex plots, or a wild card that can be both and neither at the same time.
Loki is responsible for many misadventures in Norse Mythology, such as when he cut off Sif's hair as a prank which ultimately makes him responsible for the creation of Thor's hammer. He's also responsible for Ragnarok by getting Baldur killed and preventing his Resurrection. Likewise, Q from Star Trek is a modern incarnation of this archetype. He is either testing Picard's crew, having fun at their expense, or both at the same time. Neither of these characters are straight up villains and that's why I like using trickster-ish characters in my work; they're so diverse.
I don't have to go for a squeaky clean hero or a dark and gritty anti-hero but the mischievous guile hero. From the darkly humorous and cowardly to trickster mentor and the prankster, tricksters are all over the morality scale. In A Mage's Power, Tasio existed long before Eric, and looking back, I wish molded Eric's initial personality to be more like Tasio's instead of an archetypal loser. Before I discovered TvTropes, I didn't know how common (and annoying!) those were.
The most recent trickster character I've seen goes by the name of 'Discord', who is played by the same man as Q. I've watched videos of the two of them for inspiration.
This month is the Trickster Archetype. It is a universal figure in mythology that serves to explain why certain things are the way they are and/or to teach lessons by its behavior. They range from the Norse Loki to the Greek Hermes to the African Anasazi and the American Indian Coyote. I loved reading about these guys when I was a teenager, so, in honor of April Fool's Day, I decided to talk about tricksters.
Tricksters are the ones that shake things up, teach human new things, and always good for a laugh; at their expense or someone else's. They can be heroes that instigate plots (thereby averting Villains Act Heroes React) villains with the intelligence to drive complex plots, or a wild card that can be both and neither at the same time.
Loki is responsible for many misadventures in Norse Mythology, such as when he cut off Sif's hair as a prank which ultimately makes him responsible for the creation of Thor's hammer. He's also responsible for Ragnarok by getting Baldur killed and preventing his Resurrection. Likewise, Q from Star Trek is a modern incarnation of this archetype. He is either testing Picard's crew, having fun at their expense, or both at the same time. Neither of these characters are straight up villains and that's why I like using trickster-ish characters in my work; they're so diverse.
I don't have to go for a squeaky clean hero or a dark and gritty anti-hero but the mischievous guile hero. From the darkly humorous and cowardly to trickster mentor and the prankster, tricksters are all over the morality scale. In A Mage's Power, Tasio existed long before Eric, and looking back, I wish molded Eric's initial personality to be more like Tasio's instead of an archetypal loser. Before I discovered TvTropes, I didn't know how common (and annoying!) those were.
The most recent trickster character I've seen goes by the name of 'Discord', who is played by the same man as Q. I've watched videos of the two of them for inspiration.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
For or Against Romance Genre
To better promote A Mage's Power, I went to the 'free review' section of Book Tweeting Service and looked for fantasy fans. While scrolling down the list I noticed a pattern: reviewers would either state that they only read/prefer to read romance novels or that would not read/prefer not to read romance novels. I paused my search to figure out why, of all genres, this one was singled out so much.
My first thought was current events: Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey are both smutty romance novels and both have sold extremely well. This means there are many fans who want to read more of the stuff and are willing to give free reviews in exchange for a free copy. They might be looking for the next big thing in romance. However, this didn't explain the people that explicitly stated they did not want to read romance, so I looked to my own experience.
The first book I reviewed as a blogger was a romance and it was awful. In a nutshell, a love triangle displaced a science-fiction/political intrigue and derailed characters. On tvtropes we call this sort of thing a Romantic Plot Tumor. It's the only book I've ever given an F to. In the months to come I received more romance requests than fantasy, science fiction, or history and finally told Book Tweeting Service to exclude romance from my profile. Perhaps the other reviewers had a similar experience but still the answer eluded me; why romance? I didn't see such a divide in fantasy or thrillers or slice-of-life.
The answer is simpler than you might expect yet hit me like an artillery shell. TvTropes has a 'So You Want To' series for instruction in writing genres: war story, black comedy, romance novel, etc. The first paragraph of So You Want to Write A Love Story states "according to The Other Wiki, (A.K.A Wikipedia) romance novels account for more than 50% of all paperbacks sold." If this is correct then the second half is composed of every other genre combined and thus each one of them is a fraction of this total. The reason for the divide in romance on Book Tweeting Service is because there's so many more of them. If you don't want to read romance you need to make that clear or you'll get more of it then anything else. I still get romance requests occasionally and the author will say something along the lines of 'It's not romance, it's X with a romantic subplot" when the premise clearly states otherwise.
The next question, naturally, is 'why is romance so popular'? TvTropes has a pages long explanation but what do you think?
My first thought was current events: Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey are both smutty romance novels and both have sold extremely well. This means there are many fans who want to read more of the stuff and are willing to give free reviews in exchange for a free copy. They might be looking for the next big thing in romance. However, this didn't explain the people that explicitly stated they did not want to read romance, so I looked to my own experience.
The first book I reviewed as a blogger was a romance and it was awful. In a nutshell, a love triangle displaced a science-fiction/political intrigue and derailed characters. On tvtropes we call this sort of thing a Romantic Plot Tumor. It's the only book I've ever given an F to. In the months to come I received more romance requests than fantasy, science fiction, or history and finally told Book Tweeting Service to exclude romance from my profile. Perhaps the other reviewers had a similar experience but still the answer eluded me; why romance? I didn't see such a divide in fantasy or thrillers or slice-of-life.
The answer is simpler than you might expect yet hit me like an artillery shell. TvTropes has a 'So You Want To' series for instruction in writing genres: war story, black comedy, romance novel, etc. The first paragraph of So You Want to Write A Love Story states "according to The Other Wiki, (A.K.A Wikipedia) romance novels account for more than 50% of all paperbacks sold." If this is correct then the second half is composed of every other genre combined and thus each one of them is a fraction of this total. The reason for the divide in romance on Book Tweeting Service is because there's so many more of them. If you don't want to read romance you need to make that clear or you'll get more of it then anything else. I still get romance requests occasionally and the author will say something along the lines of 'It's not romance, it's X with a romantic subplot" when the premise clearly states otherwise.
The next question, naturally, is 'why is romance so popular'? TvTropes has a pages long explanation but what do you think?
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Answering Review Request: Flames of Ether
VL Parker asked me to read her book and one by her daughter, Sarah. The latter is the one I'm reviewing. It's called "Flames of Ether" and its about a disgraced mage dragging his cousin out of her cozy hometown to beat down evil demons that he accidentally released. Her amazon page says her books are "very riveting and action-packed" and one should always be wary of self-praise but this one is certainly not boring.
Bleak. The first thing you should know about this book is that it has a bleak atmosphere. The words and the prose and actions painted a drab picture in my mind. Th heroes like talking about their misfortunes how the present pales in comparison to the glorious past, and how awful the future will be if they don't stop the Cursed Ones. They're so gloomy I kept thinking the story took place in winter even though a plot point is reaching the Black Marsh before winter. There is no humor except for one time when Kara and Kali talk about comical memories.
The plot is a mixed bag. On one hand it has a clear goal, an unusual set up for Big Bad, dungeon diving and a satisfying conclusion. On the other hand, it has premise threatening fridge logic, few surprises, and a contrived coincidence matched with a boy whose Too Dumb Too Live.
The Good
1. The unusual Big Bad set up.
The main villain here, the evil sorceress that's the cause of the problems, is an ally of the heroes. That's because her curse is doing things she didn't want it to and she needs Kara's help to stop it. You don't see that often and it works alright here.
2. Dungeon Diving
On two occasions the heroes venture into territory belonging to the Darkened; a culture based on dark magic that has long since vanished. That magic makes their territory dangerous because they were protective of their treasures. These parts have a feeling of old school Dungeons and Dragons adventures. It's a pity that the characters spent less time in such places and more time talking about how bleak things are or will be.
3. Satisfying conclusion.
The conflict is resolved and there are dangling threats that can lead to a second book. I appreciate that sort of thing.
The Bad
1. Frige Logic
The backbone of the book is the heroes traveling to the Black Marsh so they can kill the Cursed Ones before the world is destroyed by them. However, the Call to Adventure is Kali grabbing Kara and running before the Cursed Ones arrive to kill her. At several points along the journey they met the Cursed Ones and I always wondered 'why not kill them now? They have all they need to complete their missioin (i.e. Kara's power) so why go all the way to the Black Marsh?"
2. No Surprises
Despite the unusual Big Bad set up there are no further surprises. It wasn't hard to see what would happen next in any given section and the one thing that did catch me by surprise was because it was a deus ex machina.
3. Contrived Coincidence and Too Dumb To Live
There is a character that made a Deal With the Devil and fully expected the devil in question to keep their word. He was willing to doom the entire world for someone that would have died anyway because of what he did to save them. If he were a destable character, this would be alright but the author clearly wants the reader to sympathize with his likable personality and tragic plight.
Otherwise, the characters are decent. They are distinct and have backstories that could lead to that distinction. There's little development but that's because the timeline is short which brings me to one one thing that bugged me in that regard. The Reveal comes a few days after the story begins and Kara is already thinking 'I'm far different than I was before'. It sounded presumptuous to me that she would think this at the start instead of the ending.
The setting I like. It's a standard medieval fantasy thing with kings, a council of mages, and Fair Folk. When the story takes place there is a prejudice against magic because of a war the Big Bad took part in a long time ago. When 3/4 of your group are mages, this is a problem when you travel long distances. I wish I could have seen more of this and less of the 'Kill the Cursed Ones!' plot.
Prose is mediocre. I can only assume that Mis.Parker doesn't like periods or semi colons or the word 'and' because many of her sentences are run-ons. For instance, 'Bob did X, Ying the Z. Alice did A, Bing the C.' That same pattern over and over again. By the page 100 mark I winced at each each comma-splice and mentally edited it so I could continue. Beyond repetition it destroyed the power of the sentence. When words drag on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on you're skipping over this aren't you? Action scenes are usually spared the worst but there is still room for improvement. Secondly, it has a mild purple tinge to it. There's nothing excessive but the narration overdoes the elegance and so comes across as pompous and long winded. This makes the first problem worse and more noticeable.
Overall, it's a decent read but I can't recommend it because of its price: $3.99 for an ebook. I wouldn't pay that much for this book. I'd pay $0.99 but I wouldn't pay $3.99.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Flames of Ether" a C-
Click here for the next review request: Exiled Autumn's Peril (Chronicles of Caleath)
Click here for the previous review request: Ballad of the Namelsss Traveler
Bleak. The first thing you should know about this book is that it has a bleak atmosphere. The words and the prose and actions painted a drab picture in my mind. Th heroes like talking about their misfortunes how the present pales in comparison to the glorious past, and how awful the future will be if they don't stop the Cursed Ones. They're so gloomy I kept thinking the story took place in winter even though a plot point is reaching the Black Marsh before winter. There is no humor except for one time when Kara and Kali talk about comical memories.
The plot is a mixed bag. On one hand it has a clear goal, an unusual set up for Big Bad, dungeon diving and a satisfying conclusion. On the other hand, it has premise threatening fridge logic, few surprises, and a contrived coincidence matched with a boy whose Too Dumb Too Live.
The Good
1. The unusual Big Bad set up.
The main villain here, the evil sorceress that's the cause of the problems, is an ally of the heroes. That's because her curse is doing things she didn't want it to and she needs Kara's help to stop it. You don't see that often and it works alright here.
2. Dungeon Diving
On two occasions the heroes venture into territory belonging to the Darkened; a culture based on dark magic that has long since vanished. That magic makes their territory dangerous because they were protective of their treasures. These parts have a feeling of old school Dungeons and Dragons adventures. It's a pity that the characters spent less time in such places and more time talking about how bleak things are or will be.
3. Satisfying conclusion.
The conflict is resolved and there are dangling threats that can lead to a second book. I appreciate that sort of thing.
The Bad
1. Frige Logic
The backbone of the book is the heroes traveling to the Black Marsh so they can kill the Cursed Ones before the world is destroyed by them. However, the Call to Adventure is Kali grabbing Kara and running before the Cursed Ones arrive to kill her. At several points along the journey they met the Cursed Ones and I always wondered 'why not kill them now? They have all they need to complete their missioin (i.e. Kara's power) so why go all the way to the Black Marsh?"
2. No Surprises
Despite the unusual Big Bad set up there are no further surprises. It wasn't hard to see what would happen next in any given section and the one thing that did catch me by surprise was because it was a deus ex machina.
3. Contrived Coincidence and Too Dumb To Live
There is a character that made a Deal With the Devil and fully expected the devil in question to keep their word. He was willing to doom the entire world for someone that would have died anyway because of what he did to save them. If he were a destable character, this would be alright but the author clearly wants the reader to sympathize with his likable personality and tragic plight.
Otherwise, the characters are decent. They are distinct and have backstories that could lead to that distinction. There's little development but that's because the timeline is short which brings me to one one thing that bugged me in that regard. The Reveal comes a few days after the story begins and Kara is already thinking 'I'm far different than I was before'. It sounded presumptuous to me that she would think this at the start instead of the ending.
The setting I like. It's a standard medieval fantasy thing with kings, a council of mages, and Fair Folk. When the story takes place there is a prejudice against magic because of a war the Big Bad took part in a long time ago. When 3/4 of your group are mages, this is a problem when you travel long distances. I wish I could have seen more of this and less of the 'Kill the Cursed Ones!' plot.
Prose is mediocre. I can only assume that Mis.Parker doesn't like periods or semi colons or the word 'and' because many of her sentences are run-ons. For instance, 'Bob did X, Ying the Z. Alice did A, Bing the C.' That same pattern over and over again. By the page 100 mark I winced at each each comma-splice and mentally edited it so I could continue. Beyond repetition it destroyed the power of the sentence. When words drag on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on you're skipping over this aren't you? Action scenes are usually spared the worst but there is still room for improvement. Secondly, it has a mild purple tinge to it. There's nothing excessive but the narration overdoes the elegance and so comes across as pompous and long winded. This makes the first problem worse and more noticeable.
Overall, it's a decent read but I can't recommend it because of its price: $3.99 for an ebook. I wouldn't pay that much for this book. I'd pay $0.99 but I wouldn't pay $3.99.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "Flames of Ether" a C-
Click here for the next review request: Exiled Autumn's Peril (Chronicles of Caleath)
Click here for the previous review request: Ballad of the Namelsss Traveler
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Contrast of Reviews
"What book were you reading?"
Raise your hand if you've thought that when reading a review that you disagreed with. That sense of confusion is the subject of this week's post. I've wondered how two people can read the same book and have opposite opinions of the same thing. Not subjective things like 'thrilling' or 'well written' but factual details as well. I have experience with this on both ends.
1. Reading
The first book I read as a book reviewer was called 'Talented'. The author marketed it as a sci-fi thriller staring a teenage psychic that works for what is, more or less, the CIA. What I read was a teen romance drama with the above as a veneer. (You can read the rest of the review here). This was part of a Goodreads group so I expected the others to concur but they didn't. Most of them said they liked the action and conspiracy plot. If they mentioned the romance it was only in positive terms. This baffled me so much I wrote a second blog post which I will not link to because it is bitter and angry. (If you want to look for it, go ahead. Maybe you can confirm or deny my theories.)
Then there was one review where I agreed with everything the reviewer said but I didn't like the book as a whole. They read my review and acknowledged that the romance bogged down the plot. It came down to 'agree to disagree'.
2. Writing
As of this writing A Mage's Power has 38 reviews ranging from one star to five star. The one thing they agree on is that it needs professional editing. (Which has been taken care of!) I will focus on two reviewers that took contrasting views on the protagonist's development. One says it follows the cliche of 'instant hero' and another says did not follow the 'normal weakling to massive power within a few chapters' progession. As the author I can safely say that Eric does not kill a monster on his own until chapter nine and his teammates kill the same breed of monster at the same time and also on their own.
I would like to discuss the first review with its writer but a blog post from Jean Gill advised me against interacting with readers who give negative reviews. (You can read it here.) So I am left to ponder alone and in silence, unless you have any ideas.
Do you?
Raise your hand if you've thought that when reading a review that you disagreed with. That sense of confusion is the subject of this week's post. I've wondered how two people can read the same book and have opposite opinions of the same thing. Not subjective things like 'thrilling' or 'well written' but factual details as well. I have experience with this on both ends.
1. Reading
The first book I read as a book reviewer was called 'Talented'. The author marketed it as a sci-fi thriller staring a teenage psychic that works for what is, more or less, the CIA. What I read was a teen romance drama with the above as a veneer. (You can read the rest of the review here). This was part of a Goodreads group so I expected the others to concur but they didn't. Most of them said they liked the action and conspiracy plot. If they mentioned the romance it was only in positive terms. This baffled me so much I wrote a second blog post which I will not link to because it is bitter and angry. (If you want to look for it, go ahead. Maybe you can confirm or deny my theories.)
Then there was one review where I agreed with everything the reviewer said but I didn't like the book as a whole. They read my review and acknowledged that the romance bogged down the plot. It came down to 'agree to disagree'.
2. Writing
As of this writing A Mage's Power has 38 reviews ranging from one star to five star. The one thing they agree on is that it needs professional editing. (Which has been taken care of!) I will focus on two reviewers that took contrasting views on the protagonist's development. One says it follows the cliche of 'instant hero' and another says did not follow the 'normal weakling to massive power within a few chapters' progession. As the author I can safely say that Eric does not kill a monster on his own until chapter nine and his teammates kill the same breed of monster at the same time and also on their own.
I would like to discuss the first review with its writer but a blog post from Jean Gill advised me against interacting with readers who give negative reviews. (You can read it here.) So I am left to ponder alone and in silence, unless you have any ideas.
Do you?
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Answering Review Request: "Ballad of the Nameless Traveler"
I was asked by Tomeki Piorkowski to review his story "Ballad of the Nameless Traveler". It takes the form of an epic poem narrating the traveler's adventures across the Eurasian Continent. It's a nice set up but the execution was horrible because of the overpowered protagonist.
There are five individual story arcs in five different regions with an overall story arc connecting them. The first arc is awful because the Traveler does everything; the only characters other than minions are a Distressed Damsel and her incompetent brothers. The second story arc is better because all he does is wrestle a golem. The conflict is resolved by others. The third arc is also great because he does nothing more than keep the enemy mage busy while the locals deal with the villain. The fourth story arc is bad for other reasons including this one; a lot of fumbling and idiocy on all sides, hero and villain both. The fifth story arc gets a paragraph to itself.
There are a number of things wrong. 1.) As usual only the Nameless Traveler gets to do anything important but this case is especially bad because he's supposed to need five companions. There's a prophecy and everything but all they can do is draw away mooks that he could easily beat on his own. In the end they are Team Cannon Fodder. 2.) The Nameless Traveler is suddenly weaker. In the previous story arcs he fought off armies single-handed and didn't need to rest for days while fighting armies single handed. Here he tires easily before the Drama Preserving Handicap, which, by the way, is the first time he has been injured. 3.) Tangents; each time one of the five has served their purpose the story goes on a long tangent that could be its own story arc but is compressed and squeezed in here. It throws off the pacing and the narrator apologizes for it. If he felt that way he shouldn't have digressed in the first place. I can only presume that he did this to provide closure for the characters without interrupting the hero's own ending, which brings me to my next point. 4.) An author can not use The Adventure Continues and The Hero Dies simultaneously. It doesn't work that way. It must be one, the other, or involve Passing the Torch. 5.) Conclusions are about wrapping things up but this one only brings up more questions. In the first four, the Nameless Traveler was a mystery; a void; now he's some kind of holy warrior on a mission from God whose doesn't use his name because that somehow keeps his true power sealed and releasing it would kill him. It sounds Messianic Archtype-y which adds to the Marty Stuness.
I have never seen a more blatant one than the Nameless Traveler. Inexplicably this guy is a martial arts expert, a master mage, has an aura of charisma that makes everyone like him instantly (unless they're stupid or evil) and is so handsome that even heterosexual guys are attracted to him. The first major villain is defeated as easily as his minions. All the other villains fare just as well so the most interesting stories are the ones where the Traveler can't fix the problem by punching someone. All this is made worse by the narrator referring to him as 'wonderful hero' and other such terms. The only way he could be worse is if he rode a mythical creature like a unicorn or a dragon instead of a horse.
Speaking of the horse, she has more personality than he does. I picture the horse as a Type A tsundere; sweet to the Traveler but cold and haughty to everyone else. The Traveler himself has no personality. There is nothing more to him than bland heroism and there is no backstory to explain the source of this heroism; there are no quirks or traits that could distinguish him. He is nothing more than a moving ball of conflict resolving power. Secondly the horse is not as overpowered as him; she does nothing that a real war horse could not reasonably do. For this reason I like the (also nameless) horse much more than I like the nameless traveler.
The third major character is Dundee, a vampire that follows the Traveler for revenge and is far more interesting than the Traveler. For one he has a name. For two he is not showered with praise by the narrator. For three he has a personality and a dynamic one; on one hand he wants to kill a hero for killing his evil father but he himself is a hero. Indeed, he has his own subplots where he delays his vengeance in order to stop by a local village and save Innocent Bystanders. For four, he is not all powerful. Like traditional vampires he is vulnerable to sunlight and his enemies take advantage of this on three occasions. As a reader, I would have preferred The Traveler to be a Decoy Protagonist and have the story follow Dundee instead.
There are other characters and they are also more interesting. In fact, the Traveler is the least interesting character in this story. They all have backstories and personalities and, of course, names. However, only once are they allowed to resolve the conflict themselves. Every other time they are quickly reduced to either begging the Traveler to save them or could not do it without him. He has all the subtly of a Deus Ex Machina because his appearance is often preceded by an appeal to the gods. Not 'God' but 'gods'; plural.
My opinion of the poem's mechanics are more mixed. On one hand, the poem gives the feeling of listening to a minstrel at court or a storyteller at a campfire. An atmosphere like that is suitable for an epic poem. On the other hand, the author is slavishly devoted to the same meter (AA, BB,) and for this purpose mangles sentence structure and uses anarchic words. This led to groaning on my part because it was painfully obvious and ruins the tension. On a third hand, the dialogue is usually good; there are badass boasts and cunning quips, etc. It is the narration that suffers.
Determining this book's rating was a unique challenge. It was a like a rollercoaster; first arc (F), second arc (A), third arc, (A), fourth arc (D), fifth arc (C). To create an overall review I had to average them all together. Between the good and the bad I was going to round up and give the author a C for having the guts to write in epic verse but then I read the final lines. I would have been fine with an Unreveal-nothing wrong with keeping the mystery-but this was the most corny and trite method possible to end the story; the wonderful, powerful, handsome, charismatic hero's name is the reader's name. It so disgusted me I thought "D!". If the Traveler had some catchphrase like 'you are the real hero' then it would have been okay but this comes out of nowhere and feels like a cop-out. I thought about it and wanted to give the book a straight up F. This author clearly knows how to write a conflict driven and engaging story without a single overpowered hero (the second and third arcs prove this) but for some reason chose not too. I wavered between F and D while writing this review and finally came to a decision.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Ballad of the Nameless Traveler" a D-
Click here for the next review request: Flames of Ether
Click here for the previous review request: Forever Gate part 1
There are five individual story arcs in five different regions with an overall story arc connecting them. The first arc is awful because the Traveler does everything; the only characters other than minions are a Distressed Damsel and her incompetent brothers. The second story arc is better because all he does is wrestle a golem. The conflict is resolved by others. The third arc is also great because he does nothing more than keep the enemy mage busy while the locals deal with the villain. The fourth story arc is bad for other reasons including this one; a lot of fumbling and idiocy on all sides, hero and villain both. The fifth story arc gets a paragraph to itself.
There are a number of things wrong. 1.) As usual only the Nameless Traveler gets to do anything important but this case is especially bad because he's supposed to need five companions. There's a prophecy and everything but all they can do is draw away mooks that he could easily beat on his own. In the end they are Team Cannon Fodder. 2.) The Nameless Traveler is suddenly weaker. In the previous story arcs he fought off armies single-handed and didn't need to rest for days while fighting armies single handed. Here he tires easily before the Drama Preserving Handicap, which, by the way, is the first time he has been injured. 3.) Tangents; each time one of the five has served their purpose the story goes on a long tangent that could be its own story arc but is compressed and squeezed in here. It throws off the pacing and the narrator apologizes for it. If he felt that way he shouldn't have digressed in the first place. I can only presume that he did this to provide closure for the characters without interrupting the hero's own ending, which brings me to my next point. 4.) An author can not use The Adventure Continues and The Hero Dies simultaneously. It doesn't work that way. It must be one, the other, or involve Passing the Torch. 5.) Conclusions are about wrapping things up but this one only brings up more questions. In the first four, the Nameless Traveler was a mystery; a void; now he's some kind of holy warrior on a mission from God whose doesn't use his name because that somehow keeps his true power sealed and releasing it would kill him. It sounds Messianic Archtype-y which adds to the Marty Stuness.
I have never seen a more blatant one than the Nameless Traveler. Inexplicably this guy is a martial arts expert, a master mage, has an aura of charisma that makes everyone like him instantly (unless they're stupid or evil) and is so handsome that even heterosexual guys are attracted to him. The first major villain is defeated as easily as his minions. All the other villains fare just as well so the most interesting stories are the ones where the Traveler can't fix the problem by punching someone. All this is made worse by the narrator referring to him as 'wonderful hero' and other such terms. The only way he could be worse is if he rode a mythical creature like a unicorn or a dragon instead of a horse.
Speaking of the horse, she has more personality than he does. I picture the horse as a Type A tsundere; sweet to the Traveler but cold and haughty to everyone else. The Traveler himself has no personality. There is nothing more to him than bland heroism and there is no backstory to explain the source of this heroism; there are no quirks or traits that could distinguish him. He is nothing more than a moving ball of conflict resolving power. Secondly the horse is not as overpowered as him; she does nothing that a real war horse could not reasonably do. For this reason I like the (also nameless) horse much more than I like the nameless traveler.
The third major character is Dundee, a vampire that follows the Traveler for revenge and is far more interesting than the Traveler. For one he has a name. For two he is not showered with praise by the narrator. For three he has a personality and a dynamic one; on one hand he wants to kill a hero for killing his evil father but he himself is a hero. Indeed, he has his own subplots where he delays his vengeance in order to stop by a local village and save Innocent Bystanders. For four, he is not all powerful. Like traditional vampires he is vulnerable to sunlight and his enemies take advantage of this on three occasions. As a reader, I would have preferred The Traveler to be a Decoy Protagonist and have the story follow Dundee instead.
There are other characters and they are also more interesting. In fact, the Traveler is the least interesting character in this story. They all have backstories and personalities and, of course, names. However, only once are they allowed to resolve the conflict themselves. Every other time they are quickly reduced to either begging the Traveler to save them or could not do it without him. He has all the subtly of a Deus Ex Machina because his appearance is often preceded by an appeal to the gods. Not 'God' but 'gods'; plural.
My opinion of the poem's mechanics are more mixed. On one hand, the poem gives the feeling of listening to a minstrel at court or a storyteller at a campfire. An atmosphere like that is suitable for an epic poem. On the other hand, the author is slavishly devoted to the same meter (AA, BB,) and for this purpose mangles sentence structure and uses anarchic words. This led to groaning on my part because it was painfully obvious and ruins the tension. On a third hand, the dialogue is usually good; there are badass boasts and cunning quips, etc. It is the narration that suffers.
Determining this book's rating was a unique challenge. It was a like a rollercoaster; first arc (F), second arc (A), third arc, (A), fourth arc (D), fifth arc (C). To create an overall review I had to average them all together. Between the good and the bad I was going to round up and give the author a C for having the guts to write in epic verse but then I read the final lines. I would have been fine with an Unreveal-nothing wrong with keeping the mystery-but this was the most corny and trite method possible to end the story; the wonderful, powerful, handsome, charismatic hero's name is the reader's name. It so disgusted me I thought "D!". If the Traveler had some catchphrase like 'you are the real hero' then it would have been okay but this comes out of nowhere and feels like a cop-out. I thought about it and wanted to give the book a straight up F. This author clearly knows how to write a conflict driven and engaging story without a single overpowered hero (the second and third arcs prove this) but for some reason chose not too. I wavered between F and D while writing this review and finally came to a decision.
Trickster Eric Novels gives "The Ballad of the Nameless Traveler" a D-
Click here for the next review request: Flames of Ether
Click here for the previous review request: Forever Gate part 1
Monday, March 4, 2013
Inspirational Monday: One Year of Experience
My first free promotion ended last weekend and I'm pleased with the results. Since it coincided with the first Monday of the new month I've decided to use this month's Inspirational Monday to look back on my experience since publishing A Mage's Power.
I'm no longer editorial arrogant. Last year I thought I could be my own editor. I was so sure I could find all the errors I made three passes through the manuscript after I thought it was clean. It still wasn't and in the end I hired an editor but that wasn't the arrogant crushing blow. No, that came when the editor I hired said my manuscript required more than a light proofing. I was making the same error over and over again which lead to thousands of errors. Most of my 1 star reviews and also some of the positive reviews remark that the editing (my editing) was horrible. My book's overall rating would be higher if I had swallowed my pride and hired an editor before hand. When I finish the sequel, Looming Shadow, I will order more than a light proofing and put aside a month (or +1 weeks for however long they think it will take, which ever's longer) for them to do their thing.
It's been about a year since I took social media seriously and I'm still learning how to take full advantage of it. Creating this blog was the best I've done in that regard. It gives me a center to showcase my work and from which I can expand outward. I use writing tips and book reviews to attract hits and relate the former to my books and their pages at the top of this one. This also allows me to connect with other authors, like Isaac Hooke. We have a symbiotic relationship going on with retweeting and review giving.
My most recent experience is the above mentioned free promotion. I decided to do it once I received the professional edits for A Mage's Power. The idea was to get it into as many hands as possible to wash away the preception that the book was full of errors. At midnight on Saturday KDP recorded 951 downloads; for comparison this is 3/4 of my 'paid' downloads for the entire month of February. This fulfilled my objective so I'm happy with it.
With all this experience the launch of Looming Shadow will more successful and have fewer setbacks. Most inspiring of all is how many readers have said they're waiting for it. To them I'm not an unknown author anymore.
I'm no longer editorial arrogant. Last year I thought I could be my own editor. I was so sure I could find all the errors I made three passes through the manuscript after I thought it was clean. It still wasn't and in the end I hired an editor but that wasn't the arrogant crushing blow. No, that came when the editor I hired said my manuscript required more than a light proofing. I was making the same error over and over again which lead to thousands of errors. Most of my 1 star reviews and also some of the positive reviews remark that the editing (my editing) was horrible. My book's overall rating would be higher if I had swallowed my pride and hired an editor before hand. When I finish the sequel, Looming Shadow, I will order more than a light proofing and put aside a month (or +1 weeks for however long they think it will take, which ever's longer) for them to do their thing.
It's been about a year since I took social media seriously and I'm still learning how to take full advantage of it. Creating this blog was the best I've done in that regard. It gives me a center to showcase my work and from which I can expand outward. I use writing tips and book reviews to attract hits and relate the former to my books and their pages at the top of this one. This also allows me to connect with other authors, like Isaac Hooke. We have a symbiotic relationship going on with retweeting and review giving.
My most recent experience is the above mentioned free promotion. I decided to do it once I received the professional edits for A Mage's Power. The idea was to get it into as many hands as possible to wash away the preception that the book was full of errors. At midnight on Saturday KDP recorded 951 downloads; for comparison this is 3/4 of my 'paid' downloads for the entire month of February. This fulfilled my objective so I'm happy with it.
With all this experience the launch of Looming Shadow will more successful and have fewer setbacks. Most inspiring of all is how many readers have said they're waiting for it. To them I'm not an unknown author anymore.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Avoiding Tunnel Vision
When I was in the planning stages of "A Mage's Power" there were a number of goals I wanted to accomplish. One was of them was avoiding Tunnel Vision. By this I mean the perception that nothing happens outside of what the main characters experience. This is part of creating the "Full Picture". There are more people living on Tariatla than my protagonist and his immediate friends, and there are more locations then he personally sets foot on
I didn't want characters to disappear into a void when they walk off-screen. Radiata Stories, a video game by Square Enix, is the reason why. If you look around my blog or pay attention when reading my book you'll see this game's influence because it is a great game. There are no 'generic NPCs'. Every single character has their own sprite and their own schedule. After years of games where the NPCs all looked the same and stood around like statues this here was a living and vibrant world. I wanted to replicate that in my story. I created personalities and histories for characters that I knew would have small roles so they would be stronger characters despite their little screen time. When they weren't talking or working with Eric I wanted a reader to believe they could be doing something instead of vanishing into oblivion.
Part of this involves a shifting of main characters. In A Mage's Power, only Eric is in every scene. In the second chapter he gains school friends and spends a lot of time with them when he is school. Once he joins the Dragon's Lair he is busy with guild missions and training and so he has less time for them and so they appear less often. This is intentional. They are important to Eric but they are their own characters and do not derive their substance from their relationship with them. On tvtropes we call those kinds of characters a Satellite Character because they have no purpose other than orbiting another character, usually the protagonist.
In the fifth chapter Eric is assigned two teammates and a mentor to make a four person team. His time spent with them comprises the bulk of the book. However, they are not in every scene either. After missions and training Eric's teammates would wander off to other friends and other activities because their lives do not revolve around Eric. This is why he does not think to invite them on a volunteer mission; he can't think of a reason why they would join him. Instead he seeks out someone who is motivated to complete the mission.
The downside to this is that I have a lot of characters and a shifting main cast. Some people find that confusing but I think it's realistic and a sense of 'concrete real world' is another goal I wanted to accomplish with this book. To read more about that click here.
For similar posts about the setting instead of characters, see "A World of Monsters" and "To Build a World Think about Ants"
I didn't want characters to disappear into a void when they walk off-screen. Radiata Stories, a video game by Square Enix, is the reason why. If you look around my blog or pay attention when reading my book you'll see this game's influence because it is a great game. There are no 'generic NPCs'. Every single character has their own sprite and their own schedule. After years of games where the NPCs all looked the same and stood around like statues this here was a living and vibrant world. I wanted to replicate that in my story. I created personalities and histories for characters that I knew would have small roles so they would be stronger characters despite their little screen time. When they weren't talking or working with Eric I wanted a reader to believe they could be doing something instead of vanishing into oblivion.
Part of this involves a shifting of main characters. In A Mage's Power, only Eric is in every scene. In the second chapter he gains school friends and spends a lot of time with them when he is school. Once he joins the Dragon's Lair he is busy with guild missions and training and so he has less time for them and so they appear less often. This is intentional. They are important to Eric but they are their own characters and do not derive their substance from their relationship with them. On tvtropes we call those kinds of characters a Satellite Character because they have no purpose other than orbiting another character, usually the protagonist.
In the fifth chapter Eric is assigned two teammates and a mentor to make a four person team. His time spent with them comprises the bulk of the book. However, they are not in every scene either. After missions and training Eric's teammates would wander off to other friends and other activities because their lives do not revolve around Eric. This is why he does not think to invite them on a volunteer mission; he can't think of a reason why they would join him. Instead he seeks out someone who is motivated to complete the mission.
The downside to this is that I have a lot of characters and a shifting main cast. Some people find that confusing but I think it's realistic and a sense of 'concrete real world' is another goal I wanted to accomplish with this book. To read more about that click here.
For similar posts about the setting instead of characters, see "A World of Monsters" and "To Build a World Think about Ants"
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